Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktu
Today in sha Allah I will be discussing the issue of
interactions with the opposite gender. I chose this topic because it is a topic
with strict rulings and it should not be taken lightly. I was also recently
reminded of the rulings and thought it would be nice remind everyone else.
Before I dive into the topic, I would like to remind
everyone about the qualities of a believer- the descriptions that Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) gave to those who believe.
In surah al-Ahzaab,
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is not for a
believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter
that they should have any option in their decision” [al-Ahzaab 33:36]
And then in Surah
al-Noor, Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are
called to Allaah (His Words, the Qur’aan) and His Messenger, to judge between
them, is that they say: “We hear and we
obey.” And such are the successful (who will live forever in Paradise).
And whosoever obeys Allaah and His Messenger , fears Allaah,
and keeps his duty (to Him), such are the successful” [al-Noor 24:51-52]
So what we learn from this is that the faithful believers
are those whom when Allah and His messenger (peace and blessing be upon him)
have decreed a matter, they accept without hesitation, and they obey without questions.
I would like everyone
to keep that in mind while reading.
I would also like
us to a questions before I begin. Is there anyone who has more knowledge of the
creation than the creator himself? No
Is there anyone who knows the best
for the creation more than the creator himself? No.
Do we all agree that Islam
is a religion that closes door to fitnah? Yes (the answer should be yes).
Now let's get back to the topic.
All the scholars agree that interaction between males and
females should only happen for a specific need, rather than for fun and
enjoyment. So before initiating a conversation with the opposite gender, it is
important to ask ourselves- why am I doing this? What are my intentions? What
am I hoping to achieve? Is it really necessary?
After having a legitimate reason to initiate an interaction.
How do we go about the interaction in a respectable and appropriate manner?
The answer lies to
that question lies the content and manner of the interaction. We have verses
from the Quran and evidences the Sunnah of the prophet (peace and blessings be
upon him) that guide us through how to interact with the opposite gender. In
this write-up I will mention a few guidelines or
etiquettes of interaction with the opposite gender.
- The conversation should be limited to the topic
This is self-explanatory. You want to find out a specific
information, do just that. There shouldn’t be unnecessary chit chat or
branching off topic.
The Mother of the Believers ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased
with her) narrated the story of the slander (al-ifk) that the hypocrites
accused her of; in her hadeeth she (may Allah be pleased with her) said:
Safwaan ibn al-Mu‘attal al-Sulami al-Dhakwaani was behind
the army and had set out at the end of night. In the morning he reached the
place where I was and he saw the shape of a person sleeping. He recognized me
when he saw me, as he used to see me before the hijab was enjoined. I woke up
when I heard him saying Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon (Verily to
Allaah we belong and verily unto Him is our return) when he recognized me, and
I covered my face with my jilbab. By
Allah, we did not exchange a word and I did not hear any word from him apart
from his saying Inna Lillaahi… He made his camel kneel down and put his
foot on its foreleg (to keep it steady), then I mounted it, and he set off,
leading me on the mount, until we came to the army.
This hadeeth also shows good manners with non-mahram women,
especially in the case of being alone with them out of necessity in the wilderness
or elsewhere, as Safwaan did when he made his camel kneel without speaking or
asking questions. Tarh at-Tathreeb, 8/53
2. There
should be no softening of the voice by either party.
Allah, may He be exalted, says, addressing the Mothers of
the Believers (interpretation of the meaning): “then be not soft in speech,
lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery,
etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”
[al-Ahzaab 33:32].
If that is for the mothers of the Believers who are amongst
the best women, what about us?
3. Lowering of the
gaze
Men have been commanded by
Allah (subuhanu wa taala) to lower their gaze. Allah says in the Qur’an in surah
al- Noor,
“Tell the believing men to
lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private
parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.
[al-Noor 24:30].
Hence, they should avoid
staring and try hard to lower the gaze as much as possible. Quick glances for
the purpose of speaking are okay.
4. Avoiding
joking and laughing as it is not part of etiquette and dignity. Laughing and joking also tends to make the
conversation flirtatious and unserious.
5 . Avoiding
the use of any words that may have some suggestive meanings, and so on. This is
self-explanatory. We should be direct and straight forward.
6. Not
going to extremes in embellishing one’s speech.
Some people use their skills in communication with others by
movements of the hand or face or by quoting poetry or proverbs or romantic
phrases. This is a means that the Shaytaan uses to open the door to haraam
attraction between the sexes, so it should be avoided.
7. There
shouldn’t be khulwah
Khalwah refers to when a man and a non-mahram woman are
alone where they cannot be seen, or they can converse without being heard even
though they can be seen (for example in a car).
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“No man should be alone with a woman unless there is a mahram with them.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1862) and Muslim (1341). And he (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) also said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan
is the third one present.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1171) and classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Online interactions
With regards to online interaction, similar rulings apply( ie, should happen when necessary).
It’s important to note thaat, it is NOT permissible for men and women to
have private chats either via emails or in chatrooms or PMS’. This is because
it is a means of leading to fitnah and Islam is a religion that closes all
doors to fitnah. A person may think that
there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him.
The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard
of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may approach him as a
believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he leads him astray.
Even the use of smileys should be avoided when interacting
with the opposite gender even on a public forum. This is because these faces are used to express a woman's feelings, so it is as if she is
smiling, laughing, acting shy and so on, and a woman should not do that with a
non-mahram man.
Side Note: It is not permissible to use some emoticons are
or emojis when chatting with anyone. For example, the emoticons representing
angels, devils and prayer (with closed hands). These concepts are specific to
other religions and using them would be imitating those concepts.
Sources
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